To Chrysantha on Your First Birthday

Dear Chrysantha,

I can’t believe that it’s been a whole year already. It seems like just yesterday you were being placed on my chest for the very first time. I was so in awe and so in love. I couldn’t believe that you were finally here and that you were mine. The day of your birth was one of the happiest days of my life. From that moment on, my life was no longer my own. The first 6 weeks was spent getting to know each other. You slept a lot, and woke up a lot to eat. I spent most of my days sitting on the couch holding you as you slept or feeding you. You were so tiny. You decided that you wanted to sleep on your tummy, so we put you in the pack n play in our room. You loved sleeping there! You still woke up lots at night, which was exhausting for Momma. But, through that, you taught me how to be thankful for the moments I had to spend with you. Oftentimes I would sit in the rocking chair in your room and feed you. I treasured those quiet moments when I got to be still and connect with God.

I really didn’t know that I could love someone so much. I spent almost all of my time with you. I never wanted to leave you, and you certainly didn’t want me to leave you either. But, sometimes I had to. In those moments you got to bond with Baba. You showed him how to take care of you and make you happy. You gave him an opportunity to love you and take care of you.  Thank you for cuddling with me, giving me kisses, and wanting to be close to me. I love being needed by you. It’s tiring and exhausting sometimes, but I enjoy being able to take care of you.

My favorite thing this year has been watching you grow. You have been a strong baby from the very beginning. You rolled over from your tummy to your back at 16 days old. Even though you were so little for so long, you were so strong and mighty. I loved seeing you reach each milestone and having the opportunity to help you along the way. You were scared and uncertain of these new things that you were able to do, but I encouraged you. When you rolled over, I celebrated. When you sat up for the first time and balanced yourself for a few seconds before falling over, I clapped at what a good job you did. When you pulled yourself up to standing on the couch, I cheered for you. When you got scared and couldn’t get back down again, I let you know that I was right there, and showed you how to sit down. We spent a lot of time working on falling. I had so much fun holding your hands and letting you go, so you could get used to catching yourself. Pretty soon you weren’t scared anymore. You learned how to be brave. New situations don’t scare you as much anymore. You figure out a way to change your situation to make everything okay again.

Oh my sweet girl, you fill my heart with so much joy. My heart overflows with love for you. Your smile makes me melt. Your laugh is a treasure. You are so focused and so serious a lot of the time. You quietly observe the world around you, especially when you are in new situations. You take time to be comfortable with other people and in new places. You are cautious, which is a good trait to have. This makes your smiles and your laughter so much more precious to me. I love finding ways to make you happy. I love your cheesy grin with your cute teeth showing. I call it your lizard face 🙂

I am so thankful that God chose me to be your Momma. I’m honored that I get to watch you grow into the person He is creating you to be. I love our bedtime prayer times together, where we get to pray for others and thank God for what He has done for us. I love reading you Bible stories and teaching you about Jesus.

It’s not always easy being a Mom. I have to put you before me a lot of the time. We’ve also had a lot of challenges this year with getting you to gain weight at a normal rate, helping you to sleep well, and helping you to be comfortable with other people besides me and sometimes Baba. And as you become more independent and learn to assert yourself, I have to help you make the right choices so that you can be safe. You don’t like when you can’t have what you want. But, it’s my job to teach you to be safe.

Even on the hardest days, I still love you and I will always love you. I’m certainly not perfect. I will make many mistakes. You’ve already gotten pretty good at forgiving me.

Baby girl, my little love bug, Momma loves you so much. I’m so excited to see what this next year holds for you. You are so smart and continue to amaze me at the way you see the world. I can’t wait to explore more with you and to learn with you.

Happy 1st birthday Baobeiah!

Love always and forever,

Momma