At the end of my pregnancy I was feeling like a pro. I knew how to be pregnant. I knew what to expect. I was even able to offer advice to other pregnant women who weren’t as far along as me. I felt like I was a Senior in high school.
Then my baby was born. And I felt like a Freshman. I no longer knew everything, let alone anything. I was in new unfamiliar territory. I felt small and insecure. I had to figure out this new world that I was in.
I admit it. I like feeling superior. I like having experience and being able to share that with others. I like knowing things. I like being the seasoned veteran. I was a preschool teacher for 8 years. By the end I felt like a pro. I knew what I was doing and how to do it.
But now I’m lost. I’m new to this whole mothering thing. I’m not a pro. I’m not an expert. Some days I feel like I’m just barely treading water. Other days I feel like I’m drowning. Some days I feel like I can swim, but not very far or for very long.
When I’m alone with my baby, I don’t really care. But when I’m out in public, I stress out. I feel like people will judge me if my baby cries. They will wonder why I can’t calm her down. They will think I’m doing things all wrong.
Now I know that this is mostly untrue. Sure, some people judge. But who cares anyways?
I am a good Momma. I love my baby something fierce. I am doing the best I can. Each day I gain more experience and figure more things out. Sometimes the baby changes things on me and that’s okay. We’re figuring each other out. We’re learning and growing together.
I can’t let my insecurities control me. So what if my baby cries a little during church. It will happen and it will be okay. I’m not a pro and I never will be. I’m coming to accept that. Motherhood is a constantly changing evolving thing. I’m just excited I get to be on this journey with my baby girl.